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Did you know Eric is making porn films, under your company name?" WHAT?" I checked. He's done one starring Savanna. And it gets worse. He's in it with her. I looked it up, and it's pretty gross. I thought you should know."I sat down on the new dock, feet dangling, thankful that the pond hadn't filled completely. What the hell was Eric doing? I knew something was off about him lately, maybe I should have been paying more attention. I needed to get in touch with him. Now. I took my phone out and called. Two numbers were disconnected, and I kept getting voicemail on the other. I left one, telling him to get in contact with me as soon as possible, it was urgent.The girls weren't happy about it either. "You of all people know we don't condemn porn or the people that make it generally, but we know first hand that it can taint everything you do in later life. How many people do you think won't go see, for instance, the new Issabella movie, if they think it's been made by a porn company?. No fun for anyone (except the Prune Juice). If you want us to move a bit quicker (say… in preparation for an all day meeting) send down a curry with some cheap lager, ideally followed by a kebab (or a Chinese: when it comes to Take-Aways, we’re not particular). That way, when you’re in bed, dreaming of your sexy boss or the latest pop star, we’ll be working to our new, inebriated pace, and doing it with a smile on our metaphorical faces! A curry and lager for the boss upstairs means a damn fine party for us down here. I can almost taste them now: a freshly chewed Chicken Madras (Tikka optional), mashed-up Pilau Rice, all finished off with Keema Naan and washed down with a gallon full of Skol. Beautiful. And failing that, may I recommend a Sainsbury’s ‘Good For Yourself’ Tikka Curry with Chilli Garlic Bread along with Aldi’s finest ‘£1.99 for four’ lagers. A combination like that is potent! So ignore the Prune Juice – please! (Oh, and the same applies to figs – dirty disgusting things.
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